It's In Her Eyes

I can't sleep and I'm restless tonight. It's hard to to see this look on my Mom but her eyes say it all. She's in transition and awaiting her appointed time. I'm not ready but once again I'm trying to remember this is not about me and has never been. I'm sleeping (or trying to) with my window open for the first time this year. Once again a reminder that the seasons are transitioning and more so in my life than just leaves budding or flowers blooming. This new season that is approaching can't be marked by a calendar or clock.

As much as Mom is anxious and fearful I also share the same sentiment. For once in my almost thirty-five years of life I will now have no living parents. I will still have family which I am thankful for greatly. However, there will be a void that will be impossible to fill. This support system will not be at my own disposal. My life is changing right before my very eyes and I'm having a real hard time in dealing with my Mom not being a part of my life. She has been my everything to me.

It's going on almost 2:30 in the morning and my eyes are getting heavy. I will try and get some sleep before another morning comes. I'm trying to do my best to keep it together. Mom told me I need to be brave just the other day. Wow! That's a word I haven't heard from my Mom since I was a kid. I'm trying my best to keep it together and be strong for Mom. I feel I'm almost at my breaking point and when that time comes I'm going to fall hard.

Spring is one of Mom's favorite times of the year. Today we sat on the porch and literally could almost watch the little green buds push their way open to create this new canvas of leaves on the trees. Mom's eyes say it all...she is looking forward to her new season. Her new season also can't be found on a calendar or clock either.