It's been one week from today since mom's passing. I will always remember that Wed. night for the rest of my life. How many families go outside and light fireworks after a loved one has passed away? I'd have to say that was pretty unique. One neighbor commented that when they heard and saw the fireworks they knew exactly what had taken place. Life is trying to start again and I have to admit its harder than I thought it was going to be. I was driving around just trying to get some things done and I don't know how many times I just wanted to pick up the phone and call the farm just to check to see how mom was doing. It gets even worse...at the grave side service I kept checking to see who was helping mom.
The next few week, days and months ahead will be hard to say the least. I was reading some of my old blog entries. Mom and I went through a journey together that has changed my life. I needed her just as much as she needed me. I assumed that the journey would be over once mom had reached her destination. Don't get me wrong I am so happy that she is now over her pain and suffering those are things that I try to cling to when I become overwhelmed with grief. However, there is a huge hole and gap in my life now that she is gone. I now have my own new journey to embark on without her. It just feels so strange not having her carpool by my side.
Mom I miss you so much and I know that in time things will settle down a bit. It just feels right now at this intersection of the journey that things feel bigger than I'm able to handle. I know that we shared this verse together quite a few times so I'm going to cling to it's promise once again. It helped us through our time together and I pray that it will do the same once again.
Phil 4:6
Don't be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Rodney,
You are an amazing writer. The way that you express yourself through these writings is incredible. Keep on writing. The loss of a loved one is VERY hard. Don't let people fool you. It doesn't get better.....it just gets easier with time. Losing someone that means so much cannot get better but the longing and yearning to be with them everyday gets easier to handle. I am 20 years away from the loss of my daughter and I still long for her and await with joy the day that I will see her again. The tears still come but they are an expression of love.
Thanks again for your inspirational thoughts.
Lisa Thurston Reichert
Lisa,
Thanks for your encouragement and comments. If it is anyone who can relate and understand mourning and grieving a loss it is definately you. Thanks for taking the time to write that email to Mom. We read it to her a number of times and her eyes welled up with tears. Sorry it's been a few days to respond to your comment. I sometimes forget to check the comments link. Writing has become an outlet to sift through this heavy season of loss. Thanks again for checking out my blog. I forget that other people may actual read this thing.
All the best to you and your family!
Rodney
Post a Comment